We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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