It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
