that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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