I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
