I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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