a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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