You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
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i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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