You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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