He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
