I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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