Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
