somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
