her vagine was all disorganized.
someone owes me an orgasm
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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