I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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