her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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