my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
