cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
