you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize