Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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