I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
