I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My nipple is on Facebook.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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