I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
