you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
