You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
