so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
