We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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