note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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