Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Still dying that you shit outside
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
