she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
