Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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