Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
