MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
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I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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