I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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