she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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