yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Every concussion has its silver lining
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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