so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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