just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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