I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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