hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize