I just made out with a guy for $7.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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