I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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