i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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