I CAN MOONWALK!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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