did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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