hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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