bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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