i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
They took my balls.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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