question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
