just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
