also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
