I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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