Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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