While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
