I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Shame - the story of my life.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
