i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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