I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
