Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
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Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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