ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
