woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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