And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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