Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
