So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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