My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Randomize
