he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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