My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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