I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
