He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
