I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
