She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
