Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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